Don Rosenthal:
Joining the Mind and the Heart

"When I speak of relationship as a spiritual path, I like people to know just what that means to me. Since I've always been something of a skeptic, I avoid dogma. I don't believe in accepting authority unless I've tested it for myself. When I was younger I used to worship the intellect in a rather blind way (I sometimes call myself a recovering intellectual). Later I went through a stage of downplaying the intellect altogether. Now I enjoy finding creative ways to use the mind in service of the heart."

"I've always felt the purpose of pain and difficulty in relationship is to inspire us to investigate and challenge our false beliefs and attitudes. This investigation can only proceed in a climate of emotional safety. Therefore I treat all human imperfections--however uncomfortable or painful--as acceptable. In the couples weekends I want people to feel safe and supported, whatever their issues. I also try to show them how to extend that feeling of acceptance into their life together. This doesn't mean they rest complacent in their current state; but it does mean they can have their most difficult feelings accepted without being judged. Once partners have established this harbor of emotional safety, they can embark on a journey together to all sorts of enticing places they could never have imagined."

"I find this work most rewarding when it seems most impossible. I've worked with couples who've gone round and round on the same issues for years, who've sought help from many professionals and concluded the whole thing is hopeless. Yet I've seen a surprising number of these same couples change everything in an instant. Even when the issues are complex, a true resolution is always possible in the moment--you might say my work is helping people cut through to that resolution. However "incompatible" a couple may seem, if the partners can embrace a common vision, their hearts can open. When this occurs, the illusion that we are enemies is exposed in its falseness, and the journey as true allies can begin. Martha and I are very different as people; yet by sharing a common vision we have found a deep harmony together. We often say if we can make it, anyone can. I am convinced that getting older together can be a graceful and harmonious unfolding."